Are you okay being the dumbest person in the room?
I cannot stop thinking about Jane. Jane was a resident who lived in Rockwall, Texas with 20 other women in the Memory Care area. The year was 2016 and at that time I was overseeing all of resident engagement for 100+ skilled nursing, assisted living and memory care communities. I thought I was important, smart and knew a lot. One of my favorite things to do was teach and train staff. I was hosting a training in the secure area behind closed glass doors, but anyone who has worked in the space knows closed glass doors in memory support are only one thing…an invitation for visitors!
Jane sat herself down at our training table curious to hear what we were talking about. The staff asked her to nicely leave the room, explaining we were doing a staff only training. I was fine letting her stay. I gave her a handout. I did not know if this was the right approach, but it seemed the least disruptive and in my mind I thought she would just hear words and not comprehend what we were saying. For the 3 minutes Jane was in the room we discussed the Dementia Umbrella.
After 3 minutes, Jane took her piece of paper and wrote “I have Lewy Body dementia, that is why I am here.” She then stood up, handed me the paper and walked out of the room. I almost lost my breath. I had so many thoughts come through my mind. At that point I learned to never assume people cannot understand something because of a condition or physical state.
Two years prior I watched my mother-in-law lose her battle with PSP (Progressive Supranuclear Palsy) and for 2 years people and staff treated her as if she was not even there. Because she was in a wheelchair and could not communicate, most assumed she was just a shell of a person. The hardest part was her mind was completely in tact and she knew everything going on, and heard every word. Jane reminded me of Nancy. Only I was the one who assumed Jane was disabled.
Just Ask Jane
For the past year at LE3 Solutions we have written in a scope of work or commented as a first action step:
ASK THEM!
Ask the residents what they want. When they want it, How they want it! Followed by the statement, you might not like what they say, but at least you know.
We are all guilty of sitting in a board room, attending a large conference, walking a trade show floor, and creating new resources and tools for the industry without ever having a conversation with the people we are hoping to serve and care for day after day.
We have personas we have made up. We train and discuss how to talk with a fictitious named-person that we call “mom” or “dad” (not even knowing if they even have children) and a “adult daughter or daughter-in-law” that is going to be seeking what we have to offer. We talk about creating a tour path that will put us in our best light, staging conversations and residents along the way that will know the right things to say. We schedule it when there is a successful, over-the-top, event occurring that looks great on the outside, but most likely has stressed out the entire community staff and shortened their time to be present with what really matters. Balloon arches are nice, but balloon arches and decorated tables do not make a home.
Are You Okay Being Wrong?
I have started to realize…they are smarter than us. They see through our generalized attempt to bring out all the stops when they show up. Then I start to imagine the residents who are watching from afar and see the “game” playing out right before their eyes. How many times have residents told you that you need more staff to do the work. That you should pay your staff more (catch 22… as long as you do not raise my rate). That they have ideas on how to fix or repair something in the community. That they know how to care for the plants out front better than the landscaper. That they have an idea for how the space should be set up. That the furniture you have purchased is not functional. The TV’s are hung too high. That you should actually try the dining room operations like this. That there is nothing going on in the evenings and weekends when staff is minimal.
When you house 100+ people with decades of life experiences, the collective business acumen and career lessons are a 1000% greater than your current staff. Hands-down, someone in the community has certainly done whatever it is you are doing. I cannot help but notice the resources and wisdom steps away that hold all the knowledge we need. Are we too proud to ask? Too distracted to ask? Too ignorant to ask?
Wasting Time
Instead we sit in our groups of the smartest people and try to solve for what might just be self-created problems because we never took the the time to ask in the first place.
What is a made up problem? A family has donated $5,000 to the resident fund after the passing of their loved one. The money may be used however the community sees fit. Do we even start by asking the residents what they want to spend the money on? Or do we immediately go to our wish list of ideas and needs we have scribbled in a notebook? Oh we need this or that because it is the new tech on the market and the community down the street is getting more move-ins. We need VR headsets because I saw it at a conference and we have resident’s with “behaviors” that could benefit. We need a robot to help clean and deliver meals when staff do not show up. I am not saying those are bad, and each have their place, but what do residents want?
Marrying the Expert and the Wisdom
True, there are people that are subject matter experts. I sometimes think I excel in what I do, but more and more I realize that my expertise is only a guiderail to maybe ask the right series of questions, suggest a different approach or spark dialogue, not to tell people what they should do. Instead, tee up the conversation where people arrive at what needs to be done because they started listening more to the their customer and end user.
Yes, there is science, health, tech, design, energy, automation and every other innovation out there that we learn about. Perhaps that question of how to use the $5,000 is better when we ask residents “what do you see are the biggest needs or what could be better in the community?”
If the response is “we really dislike that the bus only runs 3 hours a day and it is always full.” Then maybe we suggest, what if the $5,000 is used to start an evergreen Transportation Fund. As people; residents, families and staff use it and then are kindly ask to donate to the cause, I can imagine that the “fund” does not run dry. The niece who cannot take her aunt to the doctor will be so thankful and add $10.00 to the pot. The staff member who is in a bind will pay it forward. The resident who understands their wheelchair takes up 2 spaces on the bus and has to go somewhere more than anyone else may anonymously donate $5 bucks here and there because, well, they simply have a heart. Worst case, the transportation fund is depleted after a year, but for 12 months people went, and did!
Find The Time To Ask
Before we start making decisions based on our own assumptions of “us” versus “them” just take a moment to ask. Be okay being the dumbest person in the room. Recognize the residents free and earned advice is probably based on a similar situation they have lived through, probably failed at the first time and had one more chance to do it differently.
Do not for a second think the people living with you do not hear and understand every word coming out of our mouths, even when we ‘think” we are behind closed doors.