Distraction or Engagement?
As I continue to pilfer through pictures, review activity calendars and talk with peers and colleagues, I have one question to ask. Are we spending all of our time and energy finding activities to "distract" residents from the reality of COVID? The first few weeks I praised staff who found creative ways to make people laugh. I tried to make a staff member dancing in a 10 ft T-Rex dino outfit in the grass go viral. I praised and showcased pictures of people dressed up like a pep rally, or spirit week. It seemed like the right approach. The world is unlike anything we have known, at least for many under the age of 75 so our coping skills tell us we must find a way to make people laugh and smile. Surely, if we can laugh, smile and find something lighthearted during COVID it will make the residents feel better, not lonely and sad.
Maybe this approach did and still does work, but I can't help but think, what would residents tell us if they could be completely honest. We cannot continue to put on side shows that look like mini circus events, push fake, decorated carts down the hallway advertised as an ice cream truck, lemonade stands or farmers market on wheels.
Maybe you are asking, Why not, Sara?
My simple response that took me a 3 months to realize...."Are you doing this in your own life"? Are you, your family, your neighbors, your church, your closest friends trying to distract one another with humor and silly antics? Are you dressing up on Zoom calls in inflatable costumes and running around the house? Are donning a poodle skirt and starting physical distanced a sock hop in your neighborhood? I would think most of us are not approaching engagement in such a made up, fabricated world. Instead, we are having the hard conversations, shaking our heads in wonder, and accepting the differences of how people choose to navigate the new normal.
My next question is for the corporate offices that have opened up and have a small number of staff in the building. Are we doing this at the home office/corporate setting? Not even int the office, but are you dressed up on your calls? Do you have an executive or director that is dressing up and trying to pacify the team with laughter and cartoonish antics? Probably not, (maybe once in 3 months) because it is just silly and infantile. Once a month, at a party, at a themed event, sure. But we do not do this day in and day out. I am not discounting the need for laughter and joy, trust me.
I talked with Michelle Olson and we just asked ourselves, why do we do this in senior living? Why do we think that because someone is 1)older and 2)a resident in a community, that it is okay to approach them differently than we would our own life and our own sense of "community"?
I have also regretfully mentioned to some colleagues that I feel as though our approach has to been to immediately "pity" residents. Do we assume on the outside that 100% of the community is sad, depressed, isolated and withering away. While I am keenly aware there are those who are struggling beyond what we can comprehend. They miss their loved ones to a degree I cannot imagine and they are looking for something, anything to wake up one more day. I know those people are there, and maybe that is the person that needs a silly clown encounter or they need an individualized ice cream cart delivery because of a special moment in their past. There are always the exceptions. But in my talks with thousands of residents; I can count on one hand the resident's, or any older person for that matter, that wanted me to feel sorry for them.
I believe the current story of senior living is resilient, fueled with resolve and people planning to do extraordinary and even normal things once the barriers are lifted. I believe there is a desire like never before to make the most of a day, to connect with loved ones, to build and foster community, to explore the outdoors, to take one more trip or to try something new. I want us to tell the story how residents are working through the hard crap that is COVID. By writing reflective pieces that address the pain and are therapeutic in their "isolated" setting. I want to see expression of both pain and triumph through art and artistic expression on the walls and through installations on the grounds. I want to read poems that address the true feelings and then offer coping strategies, and hope. I want to hear of people becoming stronger because they have filled their time walking more than ever before. I want to see pictures of residents sorting through their old memories in their rooms and finding the time to reminiscence and share a deep and meaningful conversation about a relic with family, even if it is virtual.
These are the stories people and families want to hear that make senior living attractive, real, authentic and dignified. This is a pivotal moment in staff training that we can start to do things different than we ever have before, and be okay admitting we have missed the mark. I have missed the mark! I have assumed because someone is 80 they must be a grandma or grandpa. I have told people to dress up in green and celebrate a national celery day because it sounded interesting and fun. But then I started to ask... would I celebrate national celery day? No. But probably watermelon day. Followed by spitting some seeds and seeing how far I could throw the remnants. I simply want us to start asking..."would you do this in your home, the office or your neighborhood? If the answer is no, we should not do it in senior living.
Who else is willing to admit narrow-minded thinking that will help us all move forward?