Leadership - Embracing Competition with Humility
The Story
When you take two Texan’s who love sports; a mom and 9 year old boy who have spent a tons of time in small towns, whether college or summers on a farm, there is one thing you learn to do…play cornhole. On our recent staycation in Orlando you can only imagine the excitement when we saw the afternoon activity was a cornhole tournament! When you go up 10-0 after round one and get accused of hustling the competition, there is a sense of pride, confidence and pure joy. We easily beat a father and son duo and the next round took out two college-aged girls who have absolutely had their fair share of tosses.
Mind you, while Graham and I are “hustling” the field, little brother at the ripe age of 6 is running around talking smack and cheering us on. In the moment of competition all was fair and I let the circus play out, celebrating the fact that this misfit of unassuming competitors was destroying the game. I was proud, they were proud.
We won. We got medals. One medal broke as quickly as it was put around a neck. Meanwhile we went out for dinner and Blake made sure to wear his “trash talking / cheerleading medal” to the restaurant, then kept it on for karaoke.
Teachable Moments
Then it went sideways. Back at the evening pool activities we saw Walter, the father we smoked. Graham utterly embarrassed me as he yelled across the pool, “hey loser.” I cringed. It was time to have a talk about respect and humility. What I soon realized was this was not on him. Behavior is learned and I am fully responsible. I knew I could not get mad and scold him. Everything is a competition in our house. Everything! We set a timer to see who can get dressed the fastest. We race to make beds. They race from the bus steps to the car door, one always ending up on the ground, lamenting about their defeat. I just watched them take a bath which immediately consisted of using the bar of soap as a hockey puck and counting goals. It’s nonstop and maddening, but I don’t want to squash their competitive nature. I think life is a competition, and the best players win.
Winning, but Being Humble
Winners do not hide their talents or abilities. In fact, they are all on display. How many kids and grown ups are emulating their hero? Not just sports, but we all want to be like someone we believe is worthy of following. We watch their every move. If heroes hid all their talents or did not want them exposed for the masses, would they be heroes?
Back to Walter. Now known as Mr. Walter, a 60 year old man who is not a person we played in cornhole, rather a grown adult who will absolutely be treated with respect. He is no longer a buddy, a friend or our competition. The game is over. At 9pm, we stood patiently waiting for Mr. Walter to finish a conversation. They got antsy. I told them to be still, and wait. When he was finished talking, both boys extended their hand and said “goodnight Mr. Walter.” Do I think the boys would have acted differently in their commentary if their dad was here, probably. But he wasn’t and as so many of us have learned in co-parenting situations, you are handed all the circumstances on your own. I am finding them to be beautiful, teachable moments that demystify the notion of what gender is responsible for disciplining! Balance is needed, but we are all teachers at times we do not want to be teachers. The times that expose our weaknesses.
In Leadership
I started thinking about what this looks like in leadership. If ever a leader, you have more teachable moments than you do leading. Finding the delicate balance between corrective action and teachable moments is difficult. I can admit the times I was the worst leader was when I did not have the patience or needed headspace to teach, instead I went to procedural management. At what point and and how many documented instances were on file to be able to make changes, focused on changes of personnel and not changes in my leadership. The one person I wanted to eliminate ended up being the best, most productive employee. She did not change a thing, I just learned how to manage and teach. She exposed all my flaws. At first I took it personally then realized it was me. This is exactly what happens with my kids, all of the time.
Competition in Senior Living
We are all well aware that the competition in senior living is brutal. To a point I think it actually cannibalizes our industry. The amount of times I, and heard of others being denied by an executive to speak about best practices or things we are aspiring to do is mind boggling. I do not believe there are trade secrets that are not worth sharing. Does it not make sense that the more we can make senior living desirable and attractive, dispelling the stereotype and myths, the better off we will all be? Instead of fighting for the same 10% of people, my mind always goes to the solution of finding a way to appeal to the other 90%. If there were trade secrets they would have been discovered by now. One operator would have found a way to reach the unreachable. Their programs, their marketing and their perfect processes would have broken through the 10% ceiling that makes occupancy the topic of every conversation.
Can We Teach Instead of Compete?
What if we started learning from one another? What if you sent your best people and put them on the stage to share what it is they excel at? Would it concern you, or would it fill you and your organization with pride? Would it make you feel like a true winner? All your shots on display. All your coaching and teachable moments are unveiled for the world to see. Maybe you would attract more people. Maybe your brand would be a hero of sorts.