More to February than LOVE
Early on in activity programming we fell victim to going coocoo with heart cutouts, roses, carnations, cute cards, Hershey kisses, red and pink streamers and overall idealizing the day of the 14th as if everyone who has lived past 65 had a love story to celebrate. In full transparency, I had a stereotypical viewpoint assuming my grandparents love story of 66 years of marriage was the norm.
In the beginning the “love” approach did not seem narrow-minded or unreasonable. Twelve years later, Kelly and I cringe when we observe the time and energy spent decorating, crafting, planning and focusing entirely on one “day of love” the entire 28(or 29) days of the month.
WHY?
1. The Data Does Not Lie. Sales and Marketing can most likely tell you all you need to know about the demographic breakdown of residents. When the “move-in” data was made available at two large organizations I learned that ~70% of residents were women and of those 70%, nearly 50% were widowed. Furthermore, ask the number of married or resident couples living together. It will surprise you just how few “couples” are there, even in Independent living. As acuity rises, those numbers increase.
2. Living Life in Review. Reflecting and reliving your love story is not all that bad, but when it is the only love we talk about it is highly depressing. If you take a moment to listen and ask, the conversation starts with smiles and quickly you begin to see tears fall. You hear the phrase “he/she was such a good man/woman,” “we lived such a great life,” “goodness, I miss him/her so much.” If you continually commemorate the past, think about training and preparedness of your staff to engage in difficult conversations about grief and loss.
If people are not recalling their magical love stories that ended because of a death, perhaps it is plausible they are a bit bitter or disenchanted with their former relationships. Maybe their love story was not pretty, meaning they prefer not to daydream about while sitting at a table, listening to love songs overhead and eating chocolate candy (complying with the reminder memo to wear red or pink).
Some people have great stories. Let them celebrate those in their own way. I promise, the community curated event is not the only way they will honor their love for each other. Also, we know there are other days people celebrate their stories besides the Hallmark holiday!
However, when we continuously live life in review, we are robbed of purpose. We know purpose is a trait that requires us to focus on the future, answering the questions: what matters most today, how I will share my skills, talents and passions with those around me, how we see the future and the goals ahead that require action and motivation to achieve. If we just talk about the past and recall what happened, our story is not continuous, and we are left to celebrate what was, instead of aspiring to what can be.
But We Love to Love…
If you want to focus on love, then make it broad. Ask residents and staff about people, places or things they love, and why. Learn and share the why. Post pictures. Celebrate love of people. Nature. Wonder. Really cool things that make life interesting. Try focusing more on friendships than romantic relationships and how new relationships in later life are incredibly rewarding and support purpose.
A Call to Action
Take a look at your community’s February calendar, bulletin boards, decorations and plan for the 14th. Is there an opportunity to elevate how we approach the month of February in senior living?