Far Away From HOME
I struggle with the description of HOME to describe senior living. I know it is a place, a dwelling, a community, a collection of apartments. But is it HOME?
We continuously sell the idea of “HOME”. We make claims we think we understand. How it will be “ LIKE HOME” with more conveniences, less to manage, autonomy to self-govern and at all times provide input on how the environment can be tailored to meet your preferences.
Welcome HOME programs; I’ve written, implemented and tracked them. Did they make a difference? Absolutely. But they made a difference because of processes and taking care of the little things that matter most in a transitional period. The approach is correct, but the name is all wrong.
Instead of overpromising and selling something we cannot deliver, what if we accepted that senior living is another step in the journey? A new place to find elements that resemble HOME but are not meant to replace HOME and what that means to an individual.
Why would we ever want to compete with the place and emotion that housed so many memories created, babies raised, partnerships created, messes made, and complete freedom to do, say and wear whatever you want at whatever time you feel? (Do you have a dress code in your home?)
For the last three years when visiting communities, I have asked these two questions:
Here, does it feel like home?
What do you miss the most about HOME?
They aren’t leading questions in an attempt to better support the thoughts in my head, but rather a chance to ask hard questions and sit with the answers. I’ve come to realize when I sit and listen to the answers, the majority of the time I do not have a rebuttal or solutions] to fix anything. I simply listen.
To truly understand engagement and lifestyle design, you must first understand disengagement and a lack of motivation and interest.
Disengagement and disinterest are commonly tied to a lack of meaningful or worthwhile (the most discerning people I have ever met are over the age of 75) social networks, a set schedule created because of a business/office-like environment, not a HOME-like environment, and the ongoing approach of a homogeneous cohort that is best connected and supported by doing things in a pack.
The voice of this post is written using a broad brush. I have seen communities and operators who are revolutionizing the element of true resident autonomy. Operators moving away from the dominance of staff-led and staff-facilitated offerings and a growing number of operators who understand what it means to work in someone’s living space. The operators moving in this direction see residents as partners, not customers. There is mutual respect and a willingness to listen, even when it is not what you want to hear.
Answers to my questions:
“Home? It is home for right now, but it is NOT home. It will NEVER be home.”
“I miss my back porch. I miss waking up, having my coffee and watching deer on the other side of the fence.”
“This is where my kids thought I should live because they don’t think I can live alone anymore.”
“Home was where I raised my kids and where I lived with my spouse.”
“I feel like I do have family here; my neighbors look after me and I look after them.”
“There is always something to do which is nice. I don’t care for most of it, but I know it is an option.”
“It’s not home, but I think it is the next best thing if I cannot be at my own home.”
Does senior living have to be HOME?
I am certain the people living in senior living communities are wiser and smarter than the people running them. I’ve been put in my place a hundred times. Corrected. Instructed. Advised. Comforted. Educated. I never leave a community feeling like I know more than the people I just interacted with!
In every community, a resident is critiquing your grammar, wanting to rewrite your newsletter, proofreading flyers and calendars, questioning your scheduling, watching your interviewing and hiring practices, contemplating how they would do things differently, keenly aware of your most disengaged team members, wanting to improve your transportation schedule, suggesting marketing approaches, wondering why in the world you didn’t make more parking spaces, doing a morning community (building) walk, diagnosing your landscaping problems, caring for live plants (or cussing you for having fake plants). They are watching you and I run the business we have sold them. A business they are deeply invested in.
Why? Because residents have earned the right to provide insights and offer suggestions. Their life experiences have equipped them to be your best critics. After all, they are the ones living there, determining what HOME truly feels like.
If we could admit that senior living is not home, but instead the next best place to be, would we attract more people?
Would an honest admission of our limitations and deficits in providing an exact home-like setting give us a better reputation?
Would a salesperson or community advisor’s job be more ethical and accurate if we backed off telling people this is your next “home”, comfortably explaining this is your “next step” and we are delighted you think it could be here at Community _______.
Operators answer to investors, but who are the real investors in senior living? Without a marketplace that is willing to give senior living a try, there isn’t even the need for an investor or ownership group. Maybe sheer demographics, but that seems way too transactional if we espouse to be a HOME.
If I Was Selling, I Would Say This…
“Senior living is a sense of place that has home-like scenarios, but it is not a replacement, nor do you have to forget and abandon the joy, peace, fulfillment and pride you amassed in the HOMES you built.”
“Tell me about it so we can do our best to ensure you experience similar moments. We could never replace “HOME” for you. We recognize and realize you will never call this HOME and that’s okay, you don’t have to! But by gosh, we are so excited you decided to grace us with your presence and we will be a stronger community with you as a participating resident.”
I don’t think this post is going to be my ticket into a new gig supporting the sales and marketing side of senior living. I am okay with that. I can also tell you that conversations with residents, who comprise the backbone that makes senior living a profitable business enabling us to support our families, are absolutely worth listening to (rather than talking to).
Until we have investors, executives and team members signing up to move in and make it their HOME, we cannot lead with the idea that Senior Living is equivalent to HOME.